GRANDPARENTS BECOMING "PARENTS" AGAIN

By Dr. Marion Somers, Ph. D., Ask Dr. Marion

QUESTION: I'm taking custody of my daughter's six year-old daughter because my daughter is starting a prison term. I'm feeling a bit overwhelmed by this new role, but I'm still looking forward to it. Do you have any advice for me and others like me, Doctor Marion? Judy in Indiana, 47

ANSWER: Thanks for your email, Judy. You are not alone. With the complexity of our modern lifestyles, many grandparents and great grandparents are finding themselves taking care of a grandchild or great grandchild. This usually happens when there is drug or alcohol abuse, AIDS, jail time, or the death of an adult child in the family.

This "parenting" role is a familiar one for the grandparent or great grandparent, but it's still a difficult new challenge. Your parenting skills can be reused, but you may need to take a crash course to get up to speed on the culture and lifestyles of the younger generation. This includes learning about the music, television, movies, books, and fashion. Vocabulary is also vital since some familiar words might now have an entirely new meaning.

This is such a common situation that there are now support groups in some communities. Tap into them if you feel overwhelmed. Another important consideration is that some arrangements require legal clarification so that the interests of the youngster and the grandparent or great grandparent are both protected. The ultimate goal is for the grandparent to provide as normal and stable a life as possible for the child, and that may require legal action to protect the rights of everyone involved. So be sure you also have your bases covered there, Judy.